Balancing expectations has become a HUGE blessing in my life. In many different areas.
Since May of this year, I’ve been on a personal health journey.
Perimenopause hit about a year ago, and I’ve experienced all the symptoms:
Hot flashes for when you want instant summer, anytime, anywhere!
Night sweats are midnight cardio without a treadmill.
Mood swings where you cry over any milk, unspilt or otherwise, then laugh five minutes later, then want to throw the milk at the nearest object. (Beware, Husband, you’ve been warned.)
Forgetfulness means you… wait, what was I saying?
Weight gain that turns just the thought of a cupcake into a permanent resident.
Insomnia leaves you staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m., wondering how to solve all the world’s problems just so you can forget about your own.
Fatigue that makes mornings impossible and bedtime paradise.
Dry skin makes your skin thirstier than a desert heatwave.
Thinning hair - where your hairline decides to go on permanent vacation.
Increased anxiety means worrying about worrying.
Irritability shortens your patience fuse to the size of a single espresso shot.
Brain fog, where 10 tabs are open in your mind but none of them are responding.
Bloating makes you feel one burrito away from floating off into oblivion.
Low libido makes you think, “Not tonight, tomorrow... or next week.”
So, I decided that if I was to survive this season of my life, I had to get serious about fighting it with a powerful arsenal of weapons:
I have started eating based on tracking macros - to increase my intake of proteins, carbs, and good fats.
I have a goal each day of drinking 80 ounces of water.
I do my best to walk 8,000 steps a day.
I work out 3x a week in strength training and 2x a week in yoga/stretching practice.
I reach for a minimum of 7 hours of sleep each night.
I consistently work on healthy ways to deal with stress to keep cortisol levels down.
I’ve invested my money in:
A personal nutrition and fitness trainer
Resistance Loop Exercise Bands
Whey Isolate Protein Powder
Walking Pad Treadmill
Personal Blender for Smoothies
Adjustable Dumbbells Free Weight Set
Resistance Workout Bands w/Handles
Fitbit Fitness and Wellness Tracker
But, most important of all, I’ve stopped caring what the scale says to me.
In fact, the only time we speak is typically every other week when I submit my progress report to my trainer. And when I’ve had pasta the night before, because I’m curious how much damage it really does.
I changed my expectations around what my body can do, will do, and what I wish it were. And I’ve learned to begin to love my body. If you’ve not seen this clip from Emma Thompson, it’s well worth a watch.
One of the most life-changing quotes I’ve ever heard is from this clip:
Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your time’s purpose worrying about your body. This is your vessel. It’s your house. It’s where you live. There’s no point in judging it.
I’ve come to accept that I will never look like my 20-year-old self again.
I’ve come to accept that 20 years from now, I will not look like my 50-year-old self.
But I’ve come to understand that my 50-year-old self and my 70-year-old self will appreciate me coming to these realizations six months before that first milestone hits and doing something practical and productive with that knowledge.
Now, do I still try to look my best? Yes, I am my mother’s child. And caring about your appearance is something she taught me. Not in a vain way, but in an “I feel better when I….” fill in your own blank.
Which brings me to talk about my expectations with Mom.
I’ve accepted that as Mom’s dementia progresses, with each visit with her, she may be less engaged than the one before. It’s happened a few times now. I’ll bring in a bag of cognitive manipulatives, and she’ll be interested in one for a few minutes but then lose that interest and wander off to “take care of a task” she needs to do.
For my weekly visits with her, I have a large canvas bag filled with:
Jumbo knob geometric shapes wooden puzzle
Size and sort the carrots game
Farm animals watercolor book
Brightly colored file folders and construction paper (Mom LOVED her filing system)
Montessori stacking toy
Farmer’s market sorting set
Play-Doh (which she still insists is for children, not her)
The memory care community where Mom lives has their residents involved in activities as much as possible. Many involve hand-eye coordination and very simple tasks, like stacking Duplo blocks, sorting items by colors, or batting a balloon back and forth while gathered in a circle.
These activities are important for Mom and dementia patients in general because they help stimulate their brains and help them stay engaged and mentally active. These kinds of activities can slow cognitive decline and improve their overall quality of life by helping to maintain or enhance memory, attention, and problem-solving skills. Cognitive activities have been shown to reduce anxiety, depression, and agitation, help improve emotional well-being, and give patients a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
But I know that the results I experience now with Mom and these activities won’t always be on the same level. And that’s okay. There may be some weeks when she’s content to watch a Donald Duck cartoon (her favorite), take a walk outside, or just sit next to me on the couch and take a nap.
Being flexible with my expectations lets me reduce frustration for both Mom and me, and it helps me provide her with a more compassionate and supportive environment. I’m able to focus more on what Mom can do rather than what she can’t, which helps give her a sense of accomplishment and retain her dignity.
When it comes to my editing and writing business, my expectations have changed as I’ve gained more experience and training and developed deeper relationships with my long-term clients.
I’ve come to appreciate the stability and trust that working with these four clients brings—there’s a rhythm we’ve built together over time that lets me focus on providing high-quality work without the constant hustle of finding new clients. This stability has been a huge relief and a reminder that not every aspect of freelancing has to be about the next big project or client. The value of long-term collaborations is something I’ve learned to appreciate more as my business has grown.
But I also realize that not everything will last. So, I’ve also been exploring a new opportunity.
The Husband and I are branching out into content creation, and we’ve been in a training program for it over the past four weeks. Experimenting with content creation has allowed us to stretch in different ways and see where our complementary skills might take us. We’re working together on video scripts, capturing images, and telling brand stories. We’re both excited to see where this path leads.
It’s been enjoyable to learn how to balance the expectations I’ve set with my long-term clients while also allowing myself the freedom to go in a new direction. It’s important to me that I maintain the relationships I’ve built with my clients, but I’ve learned that giving myself room to experiment with new possibilities, like content creation, is just as valuable for my growth and creativity.
Balancing expectations has taught me that while I can’t control everything life throws at me, I can choose how to grow with each new chapter I write (or edit!)—and even have some fun along the way!
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